respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
