If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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