I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
