I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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