I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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