Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
