Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
false alarm. still invincible.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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