just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
