HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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