I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
