so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
