I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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