we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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