he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
