i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
