Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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