you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
