dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
