Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
