Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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