this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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