your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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