my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
