Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
