Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
