Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
