I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
