We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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