yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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