The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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