Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
