tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
