she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
