Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In other news, I just burned my penis
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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