She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
