And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
