I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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