I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
