My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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