dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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