did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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