talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
is that a dick in a sweater?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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