why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
