He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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