It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
