At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
