The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
