I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
