I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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