All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
