i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
