I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
