I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize