just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
