Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
