Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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