My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
