I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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