Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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