I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my liver is dry heaving
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize