your thong is hanging out like whoa
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
