Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
