I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
