I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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