It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
