My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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