I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize