So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
