I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
