from now on my penis is your penis
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
