In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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