So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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