a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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