You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
