you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
