look no pants
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
