She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
